This past Saturday was my brothers wedding. I woke up Saturday morning, and it was pouring and not a spec of blue in the sky. It was like a page out of Alanis Morissette’s Song “Ironic.” Being that I was already nervous to be going to the wedding as it would be the first time I introduced Dan to my relatives, and at the same time acknowledging with them that I was indeed gay, adding rain into the mix was not giving me a lot of confidence to make it through the day.
I told my mom many years ago, when I was 21 that I was gay, and she was fully supportive (my parents got divorced when I was 12 so I didn’t have them both around to tell). I had a hard time with my dad’s family though as I wasn’t sure exactly how they would react. Worrying too much has always been difficult for me. Far too often, I try to make sure that I do what I think is best for the other person and not myself. Not being real close to my dad’s family over the years, not feeling like I had much in common with them, I just chose not to discuss my sexuality with them. Ultimately, it was my own fears of being discovered that has caused this rift.
Incidents brought to light with my dad in January that I was gay, and I introduced him to Dan and things went very well. But I still had the hurdle of telling my Dad’s family (mind you, I know that they probably have all figured it out anyway), but still my worrisome nature still cropped up with the uncertainty of how they would react.
Well, as Dan and I left the grocery store around 11:30 am, the rain was stopping, and the clouds were breaking. That was putting me a little more at ease. So we made the long trek out to my brother’s house in LaSalle, CO. Knowing that many of the people that were going to be there were “Good Óle boys” I was nervous about being around them and OUT! I had been assured by my mom, that there would be another gay couple there, so I was going to be welcomed with open arms.
We got there, and there were a lot of people there, nobody I really knew but my mom and dad… My brother and his fiance were off getting ready. Shortly one of my Aunt and Uncles showed up. When Aunt Carolyn walked up, I got cold feet and introduced Dan as my friend (boy was that a mistake!). Dan was visibly upset with me, and I felt like an ass at that point! I have always been intimidated by her, and if it had been anyone else it would probably have gone better. Well, it was clear that I needed to get myself back on that horse and try again. Next my godmother and her two daughters showed up, and Dan was reluctant, and I assured him it would go better… I went up and introduced him as my boyfriend, and it was like I was suddenly liberated, no fire and brimstone occurred.
From that point on, I was able to be honest with myself and the rest of my relatives. Everything went well, and like the clouds breaking apart, everything started going right for my brother’s wedding and me alike. Only got a little awkwardness from one cousin, whom, I knew would probably be the case, but you know, at this point, I don’t care, it’s his problem at this point! The rest of my relatives were great, most of them made an effort to get to know Dan, and my second cousins, came and chatted up a storm with us!
The wedding was beautiful, and my day was fantastic, and a day that I had been dreading for months ended up being a lot of fun. I really hope this is the beginning of being able to finally show my family who I am all about and not have to worry about what I say anymore! 35 years is a long to to hold a secret from family, and I only regret not being strong enough to have done it sooner! I feel like I grew leaps and bounds yesterday! And it was nice to see my whole family all interacting with one another peacefully!
I wish my brother and Kris all the happiness in their marriage and many years of joy and love to come!