One Word Has So Much Power!

Howard sent me a great link today that generates a random word to go from when writing a blog when stumped. The word that came up was simulation, which immediately lent itself to writing about my trials with trying to find RCT3 Soaked! now that it has been released. But I decided that was too trivial a post, so I tried again.

The second word I got was Abandoned. This got me thinking about my abandoned condo that I have been trying to sell. It had struck a nerve with me as I have been getting more and more frustrated over the lack of interest in the place. It has now been on the market for 19 months, and I have dropped the price 5 times in that time, as well as switched Realtor.

I have written about my trials with this many times, but as of late, I have been feeling more and more helpless about the situation. It has really been dragging me down emotionally, and has been having gross repercussion on my moods as of late. Somehow, I have managed to pay two mortgages for almost a year now, and with getting back into the swing of things with Elitch’s things will be ok for a while again. But that nagging still persists in the back of my head, “Will this place ever sell, or is it time to abandon hope and give it back to the bank?”

It’s a rough decision, but frankly, the fact is that extra $700 a month going to a place that has sat empty, is really becoming a burden. I am getting restless to have stability back in my life. It has been a big change over the past year getting used to being a real home-owner and dealing with all the maintenance that comes with it. Much of the important stuff can’t get done until the condo gets sold. Things like re-wiring the house and getting a new furnace so that when it gets cold the house isn’t like a freezer. Oh, and who can forget the plumbing problems that need to be addressed.

When I first thought this would be a good idea, I thought for sure the condo would be sold by now. Now, coming up on our 1 year in the new house, I find myself in a downward spiral where I feel I am on the verge of a nervous break down almost every day. I have also always had a very hard time with internalizing my problems and making sure that everyone sees a stong person. That exterior is getting chipped away everyday, and I am feeling more and more exposed. My emotions seem to be right at the surface ready to break out at unexpected and inappropriate moments.

A huge part of me, more and more everyday, wants to tuck tail, and run back to the condo, and give up the house. But more importantly, I guess I am realizing that I need to learn to talk about how I am feeling and not continue to hold it in. I have always seen that as a sign of weakness, and I hate that! Why is it always so hard for me to just say how I feel? Why can’t I just learn that I will feel better if I don’t bottle things up?

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8 comments on “One Word Has So Much Power!

  1. You can. Keep doing it and it will become as natural and automatic as breathing. You’re doing it right now with posting how you feel about things. Did you feel better when you hit publish? I hope you did because it takes a lot of courage to open yourself in any manner. And because of that, this is also one of the best post you’ve done — simply because you were honest and brave.

    (If you’ll excuse me, I need to go take some aspirin. Being serious hurts me.)

    😀

  2. Funny. I was just thinking to myself yesterday how I tend to not want to express emotions either — I prefer to just bury my feelings somewhere down deep and ignore them. That way no one gets hurt.

    Except me.

  3. Thanks Howard, yes I did feel some sense of relief when hitting that Publish button. It was very difficult to do! It does seem I express myself better in writing.

    Kevin, I can totally relate! But, I have come to realize that I have to work at not doing that as it has been seriously affecting me and those around me!

  4. Bossy believes in bottling things up – especially if that bottle contains red wine. Or white. Beer: fine as well. Or harder liquor. Champagne anyone?

  5. Pingback: The Web Pen Blog » Blog Archive » Roundup - Week Of Mar 10

  6. I’m always here to listen to you, about anything… good, bad, or indifferent. It’s been hard for me to tell things have been that much tougher for you lately, now I’m sorry I didn’t know.

  7. Bossy: But at sometime, you are going to want to unbottle that wine or beer, now aren’t you?

    Robin: thanks for the support!

  8. Pingback: Scott-O-Rama » Featured Blog Tuesday: qPlog

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